God’s Working in Difficult Relationships

Steven Lee
Pastor for Preaching & Vision
Dear North Church,
I want to share a brief follow-up from Sunday’s sermon on Matthew 18:21–35.
During my freshman year of college, my roommate shared that he struggled with anger and resentment toward me. We were randomly assigned to live together in the dorms. We were both believers, while nearly everyone else in the building was not. Yet our personalities were very different, and we got on each other's nerves (to put it mildly). We didn’t get along at all. Everything we did seemed to annoy the other person. Yet we went to the same church together. This was not what either of us expected when heading off to college.
So, at some point in our freshman year, he disclosed that he harbored bitterness against me and sensed I didn’t like him much. He wasn’t wrong. There was a growing tension in our relationship. There was nothing overt—no yelling, no throwing things, no fights—but there was ongoing friction, disagreement, and annoyance.
Each week, we’d go to church and hear preaching. We’d go to Bible study and pray. Yet, two believers in Jesus, among hundreds of freshmen in the dorms, couldn’t get along. Several verses convicted us of our sin and our need to reconcile. One was John 13:35, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” Our love for one another as brothers in Christ was supposed to testify that we were followers of Jesus. Yet, our interpersonal tension was weakening our witness.
The second verse was 1 John 4:20, “If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen.” This one hit me right between the eyes. I’m a liar when I claim to love God. What a sobering and humbling thought. The anger and frustration that I held against my roommate was not just a difference of opinion. It wasn’t just a personality clash. It was hypocrisy, and it was deadly.
By God’s grace, sometime during our freshman year, the Lord brought humility, forgiveness, and reconciliation to our friendship. I ended up living with this roommate all four years of college, and he served as the best man in my wedding. I thank God for using this brother to show me my need for humility, to acknowledge the tension and friction I contributed to, and to learn how to reconcile as Christian brothers.
I share this to remind us that God is at work in your most difficult relationships. He is sanctifying you. He is growing you. He is humbling you. He is building long-suffering and patience into your life. He is conforming you, through difficulty, into the image of his Son, Jesus. I know forgiveness is not easy, and your situation may not be resolved in this life. Yet God has not left us to our own devices. He has not abandoned us. He is using this for our good.
God is teaching us how to forgive again and again. He is pushing us to fight the temptation of resentment and bitterness. The Lord can use some of the most painful conflicts in our lives for our sanctification, for our good, for the good of others, and for his glory. So keep holding fast to Jesus, keep leaning into the painful work of forgiveness and reconciliation, and keep trusting the Lord to work in and through you for his glory and for your good.
Grateful to be forgiven,
Pastor Steven























































