The Folly Of Adultery And The Wisdom Of Marital Sex

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Brian Liechty

0:09Well, good morning everyone. Good morning. Excellent job. Well done. Well, my name is Brian Lichty and I serve here at the North Church as the pastor for counseling. And it's just really a joy and privilege to be able to share God's word with you this morning. Well, I'm guessing that many of you are familiar with the old adage that says, in polite company, you shouldn't bring up religion or politics. And of course, the reason people say that is because it can lead to some really awkward and challenging conversations. In fact, maybe some of you have experienced that very thing during a meal with extended family. So you're there, you're enjoying your Turkey and your mashed potatoes and gravy, and all of a sudden out of the blue, uncle Bob just makes an outrageous comment about religion or politics.

1:05Well, what happens? What happens in that moment? Well, typically a few people begin to engage the issue, but others immediately start to feel uncomfortable. In fact, they might feel so uncomfortable that they get up to go do the dishes or they head over to the kids table, or maybe they just go hide out in the bathroom. Essentially, they do anything they can to avoid that awkward and challenging conversation. Well, it's possible that today's sermon could actually have a similar effect because as we turn our attention to Proverbs chapter five this morning, we're going to be talking about something that can be both awkward and challenging.

1:52We're gonna be talking about the folly of adultery and the wisdom of marital sex. And so you might be sitting there right now, you're thinking, this is gonna be so embarrassing, or maybe you're thinking, how am I gonna explain this to my kids? Right? Or maybe you're sitting there thinking, you know, I've committed a lot of sexual sin in the past. Is this sermon just gonna make me feel really guilty? Is that's what's gonna happen here this morning? Well, no matter what you're thinking or feeling at this moment, let me encourage you not to run away, not to hide, not to tune out. Instead, consider what God's word has to say. In fact, consider that he says these things for your good.

2:48The second Timothy three 16 says, all scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for recruit, for correction, for teaching, and for training and righteousness. Why? So that you may be complete and equipped for every good work. And so with that in mind this morning, let's go to the Lord in prayer and ask for his help. Father, we come to you this morning asking for your help. We pray that you would be with those who are feeling uncomfortable or anxious or even guilty. We pray that you would give us eyes to see, and ears to hear what you have for us in your word. And we pray that you would use this sermon to make us more like your son and bring glory to your great name. Oh, father, we love you.

3:46We praise you, and we pray all of these things in Jesus name. Amen. Well, as I mentioned, we are going to be looking at Proverbs chapter five this morning. So why don't you go ahead and turn there in your Bibles, Proverbs chapter five. And as you're turning there, I'll just make a few brief comments about our context. Again, Proverbs chapter five. Well, as you know, Proverbs one through nine records a father's wisdom that's being passed on to his son. And here in chapter five, the father begins to focus on his son's sexuality. Now, we don't know the age of this son, but we do know that the father tells this son in verse 19 to rejoice in the wife of his youth. So in all likelihood, he's either married or on the verge of marrying. In other words, the son is old enough that he has developed sexual desires.

4:55He's old enough that he faces sexual temptation, and he's old enough that he could be ruined and face a lifetime of regret if he engages in sex outside of marriage. And so in this passage, the father is eager to help his son avoid the folly of adultery and embrace the wisdom of marital sex. And he does that by providing a series of ex expectations. So in verses one through six, the father exhorts the son to pay attention to wisdom. Then in verses seven to 14, he exhorts the son to avoid going near the forbidden woman. And then in verses 15 to 23, he exhorts the son to enjoy sex exclusively with his wife.

5:55And so what we're gonna do this morning is just look at one section at a time. And as we do that, we'll not only see the father's exhortation, but the the rationale and the motivation behind them. And before we get started, it's really important that you know that there's wisdom here for all of us today, all of us. So even if you're not a son or you're not married, God has something for you here this morning. After all, every single one of us has been given the capacity for sexual desire. And every single one of us at some point will face sexual temptation. And when we do, every single one of us is called to glorify God in our hearts and with our bodies. And so as we dig into this passage this morning, let's all be on the lookout for God's wisdom and how his word applies to us. So first, let's look at verses one to six, where the Father exhorts the son to pay attention to wisdom.

7:05Beginning in verse one, we read my son, be attentive to my wisdom. Incline your ear to my understanding that you may keep discretion and your lips may guard knowledge for the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey. And her speech is smoother than the oil, but in the end, she is as bitter, as warm wood, sharp as a two edged sword. Her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to Sheol. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wonder, and she does not know it well. The Father begins in verse one with an exhortation to his son. He wants his son to pay attention to hi wisdom and incline his ear to understanding. In other words, it's as if the father's kind of, you know, waving his hands in front of his son and saying, Hey, stop what you're doing for a second. Pay attention to me.

8:02I've got something really important to tell you. It needs your undivided attention. So look here, listen up. I have some wisdom to give you. That's what he's saying here, pay attention, incline your ear to understanding. And according to verse two, the father wants his son to pay attention and get wisdom for a specific purpose. He wants his son to get wisdom so he will keep discretion and his lips will guard knowledge. The idea here is the son needs wisdom in order to show discernment and speak up for what's right. You could say he needs to think what's right and he needs to speak what's right.

8:46That's what the Father wants the son to do. Well, why? Why is that such an important thing? Why does the Father want him to have this discernment and be able to speak up for the truth? Well, it's because that's the only way the son will be able to resist sexual temptation. You see, the Father knows that his funds, his son is going to face that sexual temptation, and he wants him to be equipped. He wants him to be prepared to engage that battle. Well, according to verse three, that sexual temptation is going to come primarily from a person that the father refers to as a forbidden woman. So who exactly is this forbidden woman and and what does she represent?

9:36Well, in all likelihood, the forbidden woman here in Proverbs chapter five is the same one that was mentioned earlier in Proverbs chapter two. So just take a minute, flip back a page or two to Proverbs chapter two. Notice what it says about this forbidden woman beginning in verse 16. It says, so you will be delivered from the forbidden woman from the adulterous with her smooth words, who forsakes the companion of her youth and forgets the covenant of her God. So based on this description, it appears the forbidden woman was an Israelite who at one time followed God In fact, uh, she was married at one point and a fully involved member of the community.

10:33But at some point she became unfaithful. At some point, she strayed and abandoned not only her husband, but her commitment to God. And as a result, she is now outside of the covenant community. That's why in the footnotes you'll see translations that identify her as a strange or a foreign woman. In other words, even though she's still an Israelite, she's now a foreigner and a stranger to the covenant. She now lives and acts outside of the bounds of the law. She now lives and acts outside of the social customs of God's people. And we're going to see in chapter five, she's probably remarried at this point, but sadly, that doesn't stop her from being promiscuous. As chapter five makes clear, this forbidden woman is still pursuing men and enticing them to have sex. So again, who is this forbidden woman? Well, she's an adulterous.

11:40She's an adulterous who continues to forsake God's law and entice men to have sex. Well, what does she represent? We know who she is. What does she represent? Well, in all likelihood, she represents the danger of adultery. But I think it's also fair to say she represents the forbidden nature of any sexual relationship outside of marriage. That's likely why the E s V and other translations refer to her as a forbidden woman, and they translate it that way rather than merely an adulterous. All right, so we know who this forbidden woman is and what she represents, but what's the danger that she brings?

12:24What's the temptation that she offers? We'll turn back to Proverbs five and notice what the father says in Proverbs chapter five, verse three. He says, the lips of a forbidden woman drip honey. And her speech is smoother than oil in all likelihood. The metaphors here refer to the flattery that this woman brings through her speech. In other words, uh, she says things that sound appealing and are pleasant to the ears so that men will take an interest in her. Uh, so maybe she tells these men how good looking they are or how important they are or how they deserve something they're not getting. In other words, her goal is to deceive them.

13:12Her goal is to entice them. She wants to persuade their hearts, knowing that if their hearts are persuaded, their bodies will follow. And of course, the same thing is true of all sexual temptation. Sexual temptation is first and foremost aimed at our hearts, right? It's aimed at the desires of our hearts, at the beliefs in our hearts. That's why Jesus said in Mark chapter seven, for from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, and so on. Well, even though her words sound appealing, even though they're tickling to the ears, they lead to some pretty disastrous results. As verse four makes clear, in the end, she is bitter as warm wood, sharp as a two edged sword, or as another translation says, in the end, she is as bitter as poison, as dangerous as a double edged sword.

14:21So in these verses, the father is clearly warning the son, isn't he? He's saying, son, don't be deceived. Don't be deceived. Her words may taste sweet at first, but in the end, they'll leave a bitter taste in your mouth. Her words may sound life giving, but in the end they'll lead to destruction. And of course, the same thing is true for all sexual temptation. It sounds good at first. It looks good at first. It may even feel good at first, but in the end it doesn't sound or look or feel good at all. It may offer temporary pleasure, but in the end it leads to pain. It may offer a se, uh, a temporary sense of freedom, but in the end, it leads to bondage. In fact, their father really drives this point home in verses five to six.

15:18Look what he says there. He says, her feet go down to death. Her steps follow the path to shale. She does not ponder the path of life. Her ways wonder, and she does not know it. So this forbidden woman is making sinful choices, but she's not considering the consequences of her actions. She's not thinking about the path that she's going down. But her destiny is very clear, just like all fools in the book of Proverbs, she's on a path towards death and the grave. And of course, the implication here is that if the son follows her advances, if he engages in a relationship with her, he too will go down that same path.

16:09So again, here in verses one to six, the father is exhorting his son to pay attention to wisdom so that he can resist the sexual temptation of the forbidden woman. And so let me ask you this morning, like the son in Proverbs chapter five, have you been paying attention to wisdom? Have you been equipped? Are you prepared for the battle against sexual temptation? Are you familiar enough with God's word and God's wisdom that you know what to think and what to say when that temptation comes because it will come?

16:53Brothers and sisters, one of the best things we can do when we face sexual temptation is to prepare our hearts for that battle. So that means reading God's word and studying God's word and meditating on God's word. So we know what to think and we know what to say. When the temptation comes, not only that, it means hiding God's word in our heart and clinging to his promises so we can resist the lies of the evil one. It means cultivating our affections for the Lord, growing in our desire of him so that we're not lured and enticed by our own sinful desires. Again, brothers and sisters, remember, the battle with sexual temptation is first and foremost engaged at the level of our hearts. So let's be prepared.

17:44Let's get equipped. Let's pay attention to wisdom. All right, well, let's keep moving. Next, let's, let's look at verses seven to 14 where the father exhorts the Son to avoid going near the forbidden woman again. Verses seven to 14, we're gonna see the father exhorts the son to avoid going near the forbidden woman Beginning in verse seven, we read, and now O Sons, listen to me and do not depart from the words of my mouth. Keep your way far from her and do not go near the door of her house lest you give your honor to others and your years to the merciless, lest strangers take their fill of your strength and your labors go to the house of a foreigner. And at the end of your life, you've grown.

18:39And when you're flesh and body are consumed, and you say, how I hated discipline and my heart despised reproof, I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors. I am at the brink of utter ruin in the assembled congregation. Well, similar to the previous section, the father makes an appeal to listen and take heed to the words he's saying, right? He wants his son to listen and to obey what he has to say. And you probably notice that this appeal is not just directed to my son, as in verse one, but to sons plural. In all likelihood, the father has in mind, not just his immediate son, but his grandsons and his great grandsons and his great-great grandsons.

19:27So he's thinking about his lineage. You see, during that time of son's choices and behavior directly affected the family, it directly impacted the the economic and the social strength of the family. As one commentator put it, one weak link in the chain can ruin the family's future. And that was especially true when a son committed adultery. And so it's absolutely no wonder that the father continues in verse eight, by exhorting his son to avoid going near the forbidden woman. Basically, he wants her him to have nothing to do with her, avoid her, avoid her at all costs. Don't even go near her house, stay far away from her.

20:17Don't go anywhere close to this forbidden woman and the sexual temptation she offers. And I think there's a, a clear principle here for us, isn't there as we consider the sexual temptation that we face. You know, we often think that we're stronger than we are. We often think it's okay, I can handle this. As one pastor noted, we convince ourselves that one more click in the search engine or one more minute on the couch or one more round of inappropriate conversation is manageable. That's what we tell ourselves. That's what we rationalize. But instead of entertaining temptation or going right up to the line of sexual sin, we should stay far away from it. We should stay clear.

21:11We should avoid it at all costs. That's why scripture says we are to flee youthful passions. That's why it says we are to make no provision in the flesh to gratify its desires. In other words, we should put up whatever walls or fences we need to stay as far away as possible from sexual temptation and sin. So for some of you, that might mean you need to start using your laptop in public places instead of in private. For some of you, that might mean that you need to put on accountability software on all of your devices, not just a couple. For some of you, that might mean you need to avoid situations where you're alone with others, where sexual touch can occur.

22:06Whatever it is, whatever it looks like in your situation, take it seriously. Avoid going near sexual temptation. Avoid going near the forbidden woman that's in your life. Well, before we move on from this section, notice that the father not only exhorts his son to avoid going near the forbidden woman, he lays out his rationale. He explains that if the son fails to avoid her, he'll face a number of consequences to begin with. He'll face consequences with the current husband and family and friends of this forbidden woman. That's who these verses are likely referring to. When it mentions the others and the merciless and the strangers and the foreigner, they're strangers and their foreigners because they're outside the covenant community, just like this forbidden woman.

23:01Well, what sort of consequences would the son face from these people? Well, in verse nine, it says He would give his honor to others. In other words, his his reputation would be damaged among this forbidden woman's family and friends, right? They would look down on him, they would probably view him with disdain. And then in verses nine and 10, it says he would give his years and strength and laborers to them as well. This probably refers to the wealth that he accrued and all the time and energy it took to accrue it. In other words, he could lose everything he worked for if this forbidden woman exploited him, or if her husband forced him to pay restitution.

23:54And sadly, that's just the beginning of the consequences the son would face if he commits adultery. According to verse 11, his health would be affected, uh, probably because of exhaustion from having to work so much due to lost wages or possibly because he picked up a sexually transmitted disease. Not only that, according to verses 12 and 13, he would also experience a lifetime of regret. He would regret and mourn that he didn't listen to the voice of his teachers and that he despised their discipline. And then finally, there's one other consequence the Father warns the Son about, should he commit adultery? According to verse 14, the son would face some sort of public scorn or punishment, not just from outsiders and foreigners, but from the assembled congregation. In other words, there would be consequences from within and among his own people within and among the covenant community. You know, I'll be the first to admit that I am not a big fan of clothes shopping, uh, and I'm not very good at it either.

25:11But one thing that I've learned over the years is that before I let myself get interested in a piece of clothing or even try it on, I should look at the price tag. Because quite often, no matter how good it looks and how good it fits, it's just not worth it. Well, in many ways, that's exactly what the father is telling the son here. He's saying, son, don't go near the forbidden woman. Don't do it. Don't do it. I've looked at the price tag and it's just not worth it. It's not, don't go there. And again, the same could be said for all sexual sin. If you commit sexual sin, you may not face the exact consequences listed here in Proverbs five, but you will face consequences. In fact, just take it from me. I, I, I've been down the path of pornography before I can tell you about all the guilt and shame that I experienced.

26:16I can tell you how I felt so distant in my walk with the Lord. I can tell you how it tainted and affected my view of women and sex. Not only that, but over the years I've worked with numerous people, and I mean numerous people in the church who've committed sexual sin. I can tell you about all the families that have been ripped apart. I can tell you about how people have lost their homes and their jobs. I can tell you how they've been anxious and depressed and even suicidal and just wanted to end it all because of the sin they've committed. And I can tell you that none of them ever said, ever said, I'm glad I did it.

26:59None of them ever said, if I could go back, I would do that all over again. None of them, again, brothers and sisters, the price tag for sexual sin is clear. It's just not worth it. It's not. So whatever you do, do everything you can to avoid going near sexual temptation. Well, finally this morning, let's look at verses 15 to 23, where the father exhorts the son to enjoy sex exclusively with his wife. Beginning in verse 15, we read, drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own. Well, should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets, let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you.

27:59Let your fountain be blessed and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely dear, a graceful dough. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight. Be intoxicated always in her love. Why should you be intoxicated? My son with a forbidden woman? And embrace the bosom of an adulterer for a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord. And he ponders all his paths, the inequities of the wicked and snare him. And he has held fast in the chords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline. And because of his great folly, he has led astray.

28:47You know, when our kids are young, we often have to remind them not to run in certain places. So we remind them not to run in church and not to run in the grocery store and not to run in a classroom. We, we remind them that because we don't want them to get hurt or to hurt others, but that doesn't mean we should totally forbid them from running altogether. After all, God gave them that ability to run as long as they run in the right places. It's a good thing On many ways that's similar to what's happening in these verses. Here, you see up to this point, in proves five, the Father has taken the approach of warning his son what not to do, right?

29:36He's, he's told him all the places he shouldn't go. But here in these verses, the Father takes a different approach. Instead of exhorting as a son, what not to do, he exhorts him what to do. He exhorts his son to drink water from his own cn. So using a metaphor that involves water a well in springs, he encourages his son to enjoy sex exclusively with his wife. You see, the Father recognizes that his son has God-given desires for sex, and he knows there's only one place that God has given him to express those desires. And so the Father encourages him to go to that place and direct his desires there. In fact, he not only encourages his son to enjoy sex with his wife, but he prays that his son would enjoy sex with his wife.

30:32That's actually what's happening in verse 18, the father prays that his son would experience sexual satisfaction with his wife. And so make no mistake about it, it's very clear from these verses, God sanctions sex within marriage. He wants that to happen. He encourages that to happen just like running. When you're a child and you're at the park, it's a good thing. So husbands and wives, when you serve and love one another by having sex, you're not doing anything dirty or shameful. You're enjoying God's good gift. In fact, I would argue you're glorifying God, right? Scripture says, uh, whether you eat or drink, whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. Well, we can have sex for the glory of God if we have sex within marriage, and we're doing that out of a heart of love and service to our spouse, you can.

31:32So again, husbands and wives, when you serve and love one another by having sex, it pleases God. It brings him glory. Well, in addition to sex within marriage being a good thing, these verses also show us that sex within marriage is meant to be exclusive and monogamous. Notice the language in verse 15. It says, drink water from your own cistern, water flowing water from your own. Well, the idea here is that the sun is to seek sexual pleasure with his wife and only his wife. It's as if she's a prize source of water that he's to protect and keep to himself. In other words, as husband and wife, they belong to each other.

32:24They're not to share their love or their bodies with anyone else. So when verse 16 asks, should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets, the answer is no. As verse 17 says, let them be for yourself alone and not for strangers with you. So essentially, what is meant to take place between a husband and wife in private should not be shared in public. It should not be shared with others. Sex within marriage is a good thing, but it only remains a good thing if it's exclusive and monogamous.

33:09Well, there's one other thing. These verses show us about sex. Within marriage, they show us that sex within marriage is intended to be full of pleasure. Now, there are a lot of purposes for sex within marriage. Sex serves to consummate the marriage. It allows for the procreation of children. It's a means of protection against sexual morality. And it's certainly a, a way for husbands and wives to express their love and togetherness, but it's also intended for pleasure. In other words, sex is meant to be fun. It's meant to feel good. That's the clear emphasis in verses 18 and 19. Now, we don't have time to look at all the imagery in those verses, but just consider some of the words that are used there. It says, the sun is to rejoice in the wife of his youth.

34:14It says, her breasts are to fill him with delight. It says that he has to be intoxicated, or some translations say exhilarated in her love. And, and, and frankly, this language should not surprise us at all. After all, God made us sexual beings. He gave us that capacity for sexual desire, and he made sex to feel good. So the reason he did all those things is because he wanted sex within marriage to be enjoyable. He wanted it to be satisfying. Again, God intended sex to be full of pleasure.

34:55So let me just pause here for a moment and make a couple of applications. For those of you who are married, I want to encourage you, enjoy sex with your spouse, enjoy sex with your spouse. So embrace the process of learning each other. Seek to serve one another, seek to satisfy one another. Find ways to make sex better for the two of you that you're both comfortable with. Again, enjoy sex with your spouse.

35:31Now, if for whatever reason that's a struggle for you, that's okay there. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. We live at a, excuse me. We live in a fallen and a broken world, and that affects every part of our lives. So if that's something you struggle with, we just encourage you, go, go visit a doctor. Uh, go and uh, talk to one of us pastors. We'd love to help you take whatever steps you need in order to enjoy sex with your spouse.

36:10And for those of you who are single here this morning, let me share a word with you as well. I know that some of you feel incredibly lonely. Some of you long for the intimacy of a close relationship. And some of you wonder if you'll ever experience satisfaction or fulfillment. Well, there's good news for you. You see God intended marriage and everything that happens in marriage to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and the church. So the love and the intimacy and the joy that's shared between a husband and wife, it's really a, a foreshadow. It's a pointer to the greater joy and the greater intimacy and the greater love that we get to share with Jesus.

37:06So even if you never enjoy the particular gifts of marriage, sex, you're not ultimately missing out. If you are united to Jesus, you get to enjoy him. You get to enjoy the, the greatest satisfaction and the greatest fulfillment ever. In other words, put simply Jesus and the joy he offers is much better, far better, exceedingly better than even the best marriage and the best sex.

37:40All right, well, up to this point in our text, the Father has exhorted the son to pay attention to wisdom. He's exhorted into avoid going near the forbidden woman. And he's exhorted his son to enjoy sex exclusively with his wife. And he shared several reasons for these ex expectations. But in verses 21 through 23, he shares the ultimate reason. The ultimate reason the Father wants the Son to avoid the folly of adultery and embrace the wisdom of marital sex is because a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord. And he ponders all his paths. In other words, God is present in every single moment.

38:28He always sees and knows what we're up to. Every single thing we do say and think is in his full view. And so when it comes to adultery, we may think it's a secret, but it's not a secret from God. We may think that that adultery is happening in private, but God knows exactly what's going on. And again, this applies to all sexual sin. So maybe you're here this morning and you haven't committed adultery, but have you ever touched someone sexually outside of the marriage?

39:14Have you ever viewed pornography? Have you ever told a crude sexual joke or laughed at one? Have you ever flirted to entice someone? Have you ever lusted in your own heart, husbands and wives? Have you ever been sinfully, self-focused or demanding in the bedroom? You see, the reality is that on some level, all of us have committed sexual sin at one time or another, all of us. And that should give us great concern because not only does God see everything that we do, but he does something about it. As verse 22 explains, our sin will catch up with us. God's a holy God. He's a just God. He makes sure of it as verse 23 explains, the consequences go beyond the loss of honor and health and wealth.

40:21Don't they being led astray There in verse 23, is being led astray from the path of life, dying for lack of discipline. There it's speaking of eternal death. That's what we deserve. That's what we deserve, not only for our sexual sin, but for all of our sin. So left to ourselves, we all stand guilty, left to ourselves. We are all in bondage left to ourselves. We're going down that path of destruction just like the forbidden woman.

41:04But thankfully, thankfully, Unlike us, Jesus always listened to the voice of his father. And he always resisted sexual temptation as the truly wise son. Jesus was perfectly pure. And because he was perfectly pure, he can take our place at the cross. And that's exactly what he did. He became our substitute. He took the place of adulterers and those who practice homosexuality and those who look at pornography and those who lust in their heart, and those who commit all sorts of sexual sin. And here's the thing, because Jesus did that because he died in our place and rose victoriously from the grave, God now offers us his grace.

41:55So brothers and sisters, we, we can stop looking in the rear view mirror all the time. We can stop being so paralyzed by our past sexual sin because of God's forgiving grace. Our sin debt has been paid and it's been paid in full. That's why Romans eight says there is therefore now no condemnation. No condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Not only that, we can also move forward. We can begin to experience new freedom. In other words, because of God's enabling grace, we can now say no to sexual sin. We can start resisting it With new affections and new desires that He's given us, we can progressively change and grow to become more and more pure and joy filled just like Jesus.

42:53So brothers and sisters, remember, no matter how great your sexual sin, God's grace is greater. It's greater. He has more than enough grace to forgive you for your sexual sin and enable you to live for him. Amen. Amen. Amen.

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Sermon Text

Proverbs 5:1-23